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“Dr. Cordova provides heartfelt guidance for the challenges of honoring ourselves and another in meaningful, intertwined lives. The useful exercises and examples throughout the book will deepen your learning. I highly recommend this book for any couple, whether you are struggling or not. There is wisdom for all of us here.”

—Lizabeth Roemer, PhD, Department of Psychology, University of Massachusetts Boston


“This book came into my life at just the right time. Being guided with actionable scripts and the tools to find solutions has made me feel immensely supported. I was surprised to discover that, with vulnerability and a bit of humor, simply identifying our relationship patterns (mountains and molehills here) eases friction in moments of conflict, and is helping me and my partner find deeper trust and connection.”

—Dominique H., Denver


“I cherish the skills I am learning from this book. Dr. Cordova provides tangible tools to nurture intimate relationships.”

—Jessica S., Albuquerque


“Dr. Cordova is a skilled therapist with a particular gift for imagery that gets to the heart of common relationship struggles. This book invites couples to turn toward each other for comfort and closeness, even when stress or hurt feelings get in the way. Dr. Cordova outlines mindfulness practices that can help you create a deeper, richer, more resilient relationship.”

—Kristina Coop Gordon, PhD, coauthor of Getting Past the Affair, Second Edition


“From being mindful of our daily actions and listening deeply to each other, to understanding our differing styles of attachment, it’s hard to imagine ever floundering in our relationship again when these meaningful words and pointed guidance are sitting on our bookshelf.”

—Nicole D., Worcester, Massachusetts


“Dr. Cordova's profound insights and practical strategies are helping me and my partner deepen our relationship further, even though we have been together for decades.”

—Van C., Denver


“Dr. Cordova borrows from attachment theory and the ancient practice of mindfulness meditation to provide a new look at couple relationships. He describes how intimacy can be damaged in the rough and tumble of our daily lives, and shows a path toward repairing it. I firmly believe that following the strategies in this book with your partner can help you experience greater connection.”

—Andrew Christensen, PhD, coauthor of Reconcilable Differences, Second Edition

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Table of Contents

I. Preparing for the Journey

Introduction

1. Paying Mindful Attention: The Most Basic Form of Love

2. Turning Toward Vulnerability: Strength in Openheartedness

II. Walking the Intimate Path

3. Being and Seeking a Safe Harbor: The Attachment Teeter-Totter

4. Acting Intentionally: Everything You Do Matters

5. Listening Deeply: May I Only Seek to Understand

6. Waking Up to Interconnectedness: The Illusion of Separateness

7. Loving Your Partner Skillfully: May You Know That I Adore You

8. The Red Thread: Sex and the Path of Physical Intimacy

III. Overcoming Obstacles on the Path

9. Burning Intimacy Bridges: Practicing with Intense Emotions

10. Awakening to Relationship Patterns: The Practice of Co-Creation

11. Encountering the Arising of Conflict: Only by Love Alone

12. Repairing Ruptures: To Mend What Has Been Broken

13. Facing Impermanence: Intimacy with Aging, Illness, and Death

14. Walking the Intimate Path: The Whole World Is Medicine

Index

About the Author

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About the Author

James V. Cordova, PhD, is Distinguished Professor of Psychology at Clark University. A leader in relationship research and couple therapy, he is the developer of the Marriage Checkup, an innovative approach to improving relationship health. Dr. Cordova is a longtime teacher of Zen meditation who is passionate about enriching couples' connections through both psychological insights and mindfulness. He divides his time between Worcester, Massachusetts, and Santa Fe, New Mexico.

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Audience

Couples interested in deepening their intimacy and connection, whether or not they are having relationship difficulties.