Getting Past the Affair

“A comprehensive self-help text for couples or individuals experiencing an affair. Both the injured partner and the participating partner are specifically addressed with thought-provoking inquiries into their experiences....An underlying theme of hope is written into the entire book.”

—Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy (on the first edition)


“A treasure-trove of clinical wisdom firmly informed by a bedrock of clinical research. The three authors are leading couple researchers that exemplify the scientist–practitioner model of clinical psychology....The book is clearly written as a stand-alone self-help book, but could easily be used as an adjunct to therapy....A deeply compassionate book, as the authors have clearly worked hard to distill their collective clinical and research wisdom to help couples working through the aftermath of an affair. We will be using it in our own teaching and work with couples and highly recommend it to therapists and couples alike.”

—The Family Psychologist (on the first edition)


“[The authors] have designed a program to help couples overcome an affair, understand why it happened, and consider their best options. A particularly helpful chapter supplies suggestions for talking to children, family members, and friends....Full of case studies and examples for applying the information; recommended.”

—Library Journal (on the first edition)


“Informative in helping to further understand some of the issues faced by people who might have been affected by an affair. As a stand-alone program for anyone attempting to make sense of what might be happening to them after an affair has been disclosed, this book would be helpful to both the 'participating partner' and 'injured partner.' It would also be a useful adjunct to working therapeutically with couples and could supplement a therapeutic program. I would recommend this book to anyone working with couple relationships and indeed to any couple I may encounter who are going though or have experienced an affair.”

—Sexual and Relationship Therapy (on the first edition)


“A worthy and important contribution to understanding and helping couples face one of the worst problems in a relationship.”

—John M. Gottman, PhD, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work


“The hurt lingered for what felt like forever, but our marriage was too precious to just give up on it. Working through understanding how it happened, and how to finally move past it and recover, was the most important thing. We couldn't have made it without the program in this book.”

—Ann and Patrick O.


“It's easy to find simplistic, judgmental advice about dealing with affairs—but hard to find a book like this. Far and away the most important resource to help you understand the meaning of the affair and make healthy decisions about how to move on.”

—Barry McCarthy, PhD, coauthor of Rekindling Desire


“After the revelation of the affair, we were both overwhelmed with extreme emotions. The step-by-step approach outlined in this book gave us a structured and caring means to get through the first couple of months and work to understand how we got to this low point in our marriage. We made it through a very tough time and have a stronger relationship now, due to our greater understanding of both ourselves and each other. Without question, the strategies in this book saved our marriage!”

—John and Sarah H.


“If an affair has left you feeling devastated, this book can put you on a path toward healing by providing hope, direction, and clarity. The second edition takes an already classic resource and makes it even better for couples with diverse backgrounds and types of relationships. This is the book that I recommend to anyone struggling with infidelity.”

—Anthony L. Chambers, PhD, ABPP, former president, American Academy of Couple and Family Psychology


“A powerful book for any couple dealing with the aftershocks of an affair. This is an indispensable guide to managing painful emotions and making sense of the chaos. When you are experiencing an unbearable sense of aloneness, this book helps you find a way to and feel heard, seen, and, ultimately, understood.”

—Rhonda Goldman, PhD, Department of Clinical Psychology, The Chicago School of Professional Psychology


“Thoughtful, compassionate, and practical. The authors take you through the key phases of both discovering and recovering from infidelity. Whether you have been injured by an affair or have engaged in one, you should read this book.”

—Andrew Christensen, PhD, coauthor of Reconcilable Differences


“The second edition of this exceptional book is the best resource available on the topic. The authors are top experts who have decades of practical experience with couples. I recommend this book to everyone struggling to navigate the vortex of an affair and come out the other side to a better life.”

—William J. Doherty, PhD, author of Take Back Your Marriage


“A standard in our field.”

—Eli Karam, PhD, LMFT, host of the AAMFT Podcast