1. Three Sides to Every Story

2. "You're Wrong!": Relationship Problems as Faults

II. A DEEP Understanding of Conflict: The Third Side of the Story

3. "How Can You Be That Way?": Relationship Problems as Differences

4. "You Know How to Hurt Me": Relationship Problems as Emotional Sensitivities

5. "Can't You See I'm Stressed Out?": Relationship Problems as External Circumstances

6. A Cure Worse Than the Disease: Relationship Problems as Patterns of Communication

III. From Argument to Acceptance

7. The Delicate Balance: Acceptance and Change

8. A Story of Our Own: Acceptance through Understanding

9. Walking in Your Partner's Shoes: Acceptance through Compassion

10. Getting Some Perspective on the Conflict: Acceptance through Tolerant Distance

IV. Deliberate Change through Acceptance

11. The Dilemmas of Deliberate Change

12. Deliberate Change through Mindfulness: Custom-Fitting Change to Suit Your Relationship

13. Deliberate Change through Communication: Taking Good Advice about Talking and Listening with a Mindful Grain of Salt

14. The Silver Bullet of Deliberate Change: Taking Charge of Change Even When Things Go Bad

V. When Acceptance Is Not Enough

15. "Don't Do That to Me!": Violence, Verbal Abuse, and Infidelity

16. Calling In the Professionals: Couple and Individual Therapy

Resources

Bibliography